About four months ago, I started seeing an old senior high school friend. We hadn't seen each other in a long time coupled with reconnected online. Within the 10 years since high school, he'd married and had a child. Whenever we began seeing one another he made it Clear that he was separated coupled with been for near to annually. The separation was not exactly amicable. He'd his own house and that i even met his 3-year-old daughter on the weekends. At first, he explained we should keep things kind of quiet until his pending divorce was final. I had been Comfortable with this because we had a little group of mutual friends who were aware of the connection. Last weekend, I had been out with some girlfriends at my local bar and my boyfriend walked in with his ex. He saw me and bolted. (We'd had sex two days prior.) About a minute later, I received a text that simply said \”working things out.\” Obviously, my friends consoled me and all agreed which i should tell his wife. Our mutual friends (the majority of whom are guys) agree that he's a d-bag but think I should keep quiet. They also said they're as blindsided as I am because they thought we were doing so well together. I've texted and emailed many times without any response. In my opinion I'm owed a reason at the minimum. I have some very incriminating emails and texts which i have contemplated sending to his wife. I haven't yet because I realize there is a child involved with all this. On the other hand, Personally i think he's lying to his wife also. I'm feeling very used and depressed and just can't decide what's wrong or right. – Feeling Used

It's understandable that you would feel used, depressed and angry and wish an explanation. But the fact is, you might not get one. You may not ever hear from this person again. So, you may have to fill in some blanks yourself. What do you think happened? Not understanding every detail, it seems like if he and his estranged wife existed separately and he saw his daughter on weekends, he was indeed separated from his wife and not lying about this. Whether a part of their separation agreement meant these were both allowed to see other people, we do not really know without a doubt. Typically, separated couples do see others because they use the period to \”test out\” being divorced. To date, it doesn't seem like he was doing anything \”wrong\” by dating you. But again, we're speculating a little bit.

But, let's assume he and the wife had a contract they could see other people during their separation and maybe he desired to keep things with you around the down-low there wouldn't be any complications with custody and divorce process. And perhaps toward no more their separation, they began talking and realized maybe there have been still enough feelings together – and, lets not forget, a shared daughter – to try and work things out. Probably, these talks overlapped with his seeing you. Again, this isn't necessarily atypical in cases of separation, nor is it necessarily \”wrong.\” You knew the person was married. You knew his divorce wasn't yet finalized. Surely, there must have been some a part of you that realized he may not be completely \”finished\” together with his wife yet. If he were, he'd have been divorced already.

So, he's been talking with his wife and they decide there's enough committed to their union to see if they are able to work things out before they refer to it as quits for good. Most likely the separation and seeing others gave them the perspective they did not have before. That's type of exactly what a separation period is perfect for. Unfortunately, you had been caught in the middle of it, and your boyfriend didn't have the decency to warn you that things weren't exactly over with his wife in the end. But maybe he and his wife had only just talked that week about working things out and maybe that night they showed up at your local bar was one of their first outings together. It is possible that the boyfriend had even told his wife in regards to you. Don't you think he had to possess some explanation for her as to why he bolted out of the bar that night? Do you consider he just told her he saw a ghost?

My point is, FU, that it's fairly simple your boyfriend's wife already knows about you, even though you did not know the status of her relationship with him. She probably doesn't know all the details of your relationship together with her husband, neither is it in all probability she wants to understand, there is however a good possibility she knows of the existence. As well as in that case, what would you accomplish by contacting her? It might be cathartic to you, but don't forget, this is a family we're referring to. A household having a 3-year-old daughter. There is a chance that little girl's parents might get together again and she or he won't have to invest the remainder of her childhood being shuttled back and forth together. And right now that chance is probably a tenuous one – a tiny thread of possibility and hope. And those \”incriminating\” emails and texts you've could possibly rip that thread in two. What good would which do? Sure, it may hurt the person who hurt you, but it is likely to hurt two other people along the way. Is the fact that really will make you feel better?

The other side to all this, of course, is that his wife did not know in regards to you. And perhaps they did not come with an agreement that they often see each other while they were separated. And perhaps they started \”working things out\” weeks or even months before you saw them together that night. It can make you wonder when he was likely to let you know about her – how long he would keep sleeping with you to see his wife behind your back. However, it isn't such as this was a happy, solid marriage in which the husband stepped out and blindsided his wife by having an extramarital affair. These were separated in the end. I doubt his wife would exactly be shocked that within the year-plus that they lived separately, he dated someone. And also to be truthful, I'm not sure you ought to be everything shocked that the married man you had been seeing for 4 months decided he may would like to try to operate things out with his wife and mother of his 3-year-old daughter before officially saying they've had enough. You had to know you weren't entering into a situation that wasn't without some complications. Your boyfriend didn't hide that from you, even when he wasn't completely forthcoming about every detail.

Look, you've got a right to be angry and hurt, but if I had you been, I'd sit on those feelings for a little bit before with them to harm people who haven't done anything to hurt you. Your boyfriend knows you're pissed and he probably does feel below par, but at this time he has more important things to deal with than your hurt feelings – he's a household he's attempting to put together again. Give him a few weeks and when you do not hear everything from him, write one more final email that you get it all out. After which? Wash both hands of him. Be glad you simply spent 4 months with the guy instead of 4 years. Be glad it had not been you he was married to. And be glad you took the high road and gave that family a chance to \”work things out.\”