Something about being pregnant appears to ensure people—from strangers to acquaintances to family members—think that they have the authority to announce reasons for the body, ask various prying questions, or both! These comments and questions can be hurtful, and they can also be frustrating, particularly if they get you unexpectedly.
There are many scenarios by which folks feel the need to let you know what they’re thinking. And while many people do not say what’s in their head with malicious intent, that doesn’t mean it feels good to listen to. In all cases, the main thing to keep in mind is it is all about them, not in regards to you. If someone asks a rude question or says a thoughtless observation out loud, your debt them practically nothing. You’re not accountable for exactly what the asker or commenter feels or thinks if you decide not to build relationships their rudeness or you respond in ways made to educate them about how exactly their comments have affected you.
It could be awkward, though, should you don’t understand what exactly to state to move the conversation along or to give yourself an out. You can always respond with a simple, “None of the business,” but continue reading for many ideas concerning how to deal with rude questions, so that the the next time they happen, you will be ready.
Turning it around
One from the very best responses to in all types of rude questions is, “So why do you may well ask?” or the similar, “Why is you state that?” Should you answer a question or rude comment with another question, it could encourage that individual to consider their question or comment, and perhaps think about whether it was a wise decision to state it to begin with. If they continue with their line of questioning, you can ignore them, tell them you don’t want to discuss it, or remove yourself from the situation.
One-word responses
One of the very most common questions pregnant women get is, “Are you certain it’s not twins?” followed closely by “Baby can be used every day now, huh?” whenever your due date is months or weeks away. What those questions have in common—aside from rudeness, of course—is their extreme presumptiveness. These askers think that they've the right talk to what’s happening with the pregnant person’s body, when it’s absolutely none of their business. Should you don’t wish to answer these types of questions with a question or by reminding the asker that the answer is not something they have to know, a one-word response, delivered in a neutral tone having a dose of steady eye-to-eye contact is a superb option. Not answering, perhaps while making steady eye-to-eye contact for a few seconds, might work even better for you.
Pointing to some higher authority
Another challenging set of things pregnant people hear are comments on their own health—especially about diet they’re making—and requests to know how or why the pregnant person came to be pregnant to begin with. For example, this suite of questions is entirely too common after pregnancy announcement: “Purposely?” or “Maybe it was planned?” or “Why now?” In these situations, you can use any of the techniques discussed in this article, but you may also indicate a higher authority, whether that’s your personal understanding of the body and life or the advice of the care provider. “I decide what’s perfect for my family/baby/pregnancy,” is a wise decision, and the other is, “My doctor is satisfied with where I'm in my pregnancy/what I’m eating/how I’m doing.”
Final note: responding to rudeness when you’re not pregnant
Perhaps you recently experienced a miscarriage. Or maybe you really wish you were pregnant, but you’re coping with infertility. In these situations, anyone referring to having babies, making assumptions regarding your desires around having kids, or asking when you plan to have children can seem to be just like a blow. The best response is the main one you feel preferred making and probably depends upon how well you realize the curious person.
If they are a family member or close friend, you may prefer to get honest with them and let them know a little about your experience. If you would prefer not to talk about it, try something similar to, “I’d prefer to change the subject.” If the asker is someone you know less well, as an acquaintance or perhaps a stranger, you may decide to just disregard the question completely or say something non-committal like, “Hmmmm” or “We’ll see.” Answering questions or comments using the suggested questions above or telling the asker it’s none of the business might also work nicely. It is a highly personal decision how much you want to share with anyone and referring to your experiences can be very hard.