Dear Wendy: \”My Boyfriend Wants Us To become Bi-Coastal\”

I have been with my boyfriend for five years and we get along fairly well and are happy together. We live together in LA. He moved here in the new england about four years ago for our relationship, which he reminds of every time we argue (it doesn't matter what we're arguing about). He's been saying for 4 years that he desires to return east and wants me to go with him – simply temporarily. I have very close family here and recently finished graduate school and started my career and would need to pass an exam to be able to practice my focus on his coast. He, however, can work everywhere. I've told him I'd go out east with him temporarily – a couple of months – but which i don't wish to live there permanently. Lucrative says he wants me to commit to living the summers there – and it's the only method he can proceed with us (I'm in no rush to maneuver forward, but definitely desire a future with him). It's ludicrous to reside on two coasts and would be a major sacrifice when it comes to my career. I would like him to be happy, however i just know I won't be happy living there permanently and I don't believe living there part-time is realistic. – West Coast or Bust

Relationships are about compromise, but it doesn't appear to be you have in mind coming to a yourself. It is kind of been all about you and also what you want, hasn't it? Your loved ones, your house, your job. What about the man you're dating and what he wants? Doesn't he count at all? He's been telling you for four years that he wants to live out east and you've got been shutting him down having a listing of excuses. Now you're saying a move to the other coast would be a blow to your career. But you've just started your career! It's not like you've spent years building contacts and attracting clients you'll lose should you move. So, you'll need to take an exam to practice your work elsewhere. Well, take the exam! Show your boyfriend you're at least that committed to your relationship and his happiness. If you honestly desire a future with this man, venture out east and see the way you enjoy it. Maybe you will be surprised and find yourself happier there than you imagined. Maybe you will find it does not matter where you reside as long as you're using the person you love.

But if you cannot bear the idea of leaving your home, and sometimes it means keeping the relationship, perhaps this isn't the best man for you. One of the hallmarks of the healthy relationship along with a good match is really a willingness to create sacrifices for the person you love. Your boyfriend was prepared to make a big one for you by moving. Are you prepared to return the favor? I recieve that it's a huge favor to give. We aren't talking about watching someone's kids for that afternoon or giving a friend's resume the once-over. Moving would be a life-changing event, also it might be that you are not invested in this individual you \”get together with fairly well\” to take that step. And you understand what? That's OK. But be truthful about that – with yourself as well as your boyfriend. He deserves that much.

I recently got a text from a girl saying she just wanted to be friends and it wasn't exercising and she or he didn't wish to waste my time. I appreciated that, but then she sent another text saying she doesn't know wrong together with her, because I'm among the nicest guys she's ever met. What is the cope with that? This appears to happen often. – The Nice Guy

You don't say how old you are, but I will go out on a limb and guess you're still inside your teens or early 20s. Girls at that age tend to have the bad practice of chasing guys who aren't terribly nice. They know they'd apt to be better off with someone like you (hence the \”I have no idea wrong with me\” texts you get), however they cannot stop themselves from going after jerks who treat them like crap. Why? Hell if I know. It probably has something related to their low self-esteem. They haven't developed an appreciation for his or her self-worth and, as a consequence, are attracted to jerks who treat them such as the crap they believe they are.

The great news isn't that every girl for the reason that age bracket is like that, as well as the majority of the ones who're tend to outgrow their bad-boy-loving phase by their late 20s or early 30s. If you cannot wait too long to locate a nice girl who appreciates you, start casting a wider net within the dating pool. Pursue girls who are more overlooked by other guys: the studious girls, the quirky/artsy types, the funny/sarcastic chicks, the girls who're some weight heavier than your typical cheerleader. Because while you've been getting dissed by the girls who \”just want to be friends,\” these young ladies happen to be awaiting a pleasant guy just like you in the future along and demonstrate to them a little attention. And if you play your cards right, you may end up with a cooler girlfriend than those other ladies could have been.

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