My boyfriend and I moved in together about three months ago, and all sorts of is going well. We have what I think is a nice nice division of labor. He is doing all the cooking and trips to market, and I do the cleaning, no problem. Since we've started dating/cohabitating, my general understanding of how you can cook went down by, like, a zillion points.

These days I've got a really hard time feeding myself if my boyfriend hasn't made something (thank you Seamless).

But you know what? I feel like our labor isn't equal. I feel like my boyfriend does everything. And that's because his work results in a finish product – dinner. While mine is a touch little more abstract. As in: Oh yes, we do not live in filth and also the dishes are generally cleaned daily. We both perform the parts of our household chores that people enjoy – I mean, I'm an anal retentive Virgo who actually likes cleaning, go figure.

I think I have been super brainwashed into believing that food = love. In my family, special events are marked with delicious, slaved-over meals and perfectly baked desserts. Cheap my dude does all the cooking, and that I'm seemingly illiterate in the kitchen, makes me seem like I lack some fundamental way of expressing my love and appreciation for him.

I think I'm totally used to the trope where a woman shows that she loves her man by looking into making him a home-cooked meal. Consider that is what he does, I'm feeling a bit baffled.

Anybody else available have the same complex?

Original Julie Gerstein